In the Silence of My Mind

Is my mind ever silent? Well, no. I recently went to a Tots and Mom yoga class that began with an introduction to meditation. Sure, it was a nice relaxing 15 minutes, even while my 1 year old climbed on/around/over me, but in reality, this doesn't happen at home. I don't sit crossed legged on my living room floor meditating while the kid is banging and throwing her toys on the coffee table behind me. Nor do I rarely use her nap time to catch up on "me" time, at least not "me" time in the former-before-the-kid-arrived, sense of the word. When I'm not finishing up on my last few hours of work, getting the house straightened, planning/prepping dinner, exercising, getting ready or dealing with every day shit that comes up and I can't ignore, I read through your blogs or update my Anthro shopping cart. That has now become my new "me" time.

My tolerance for B. S. has significantly lowered. I used to be able to handle all kinds of crap without it getting to me. Now, I just can't do it. I don't have time to deal with petty issues of the past. I don't have time for people that say one thing and do another. I don't have time for empty promises. I don't have time for stroking people's egos. I don't have time for indecisiveness (except for my own, of course!), I don't have time for niceties and small talk when I'm not in the mood to talk at all. Sometimes I just want to curl up on the couch with a warm latte and watch some mind sucking television shows (any reality tv show on Bravo will do) and turn off my brain. To stopping worrying about what needs to be done around the house. Stop chasing the kid around and wondering which of these days is going to be the one that she falls head first into the corner of the table (we put safety corners on, but she peeled them off and wouldn't leave them alone). Stop worrying that I'm not paying enough attention to my husband, kid and family.

Today is one of those days. I'm tired, I feel worn out and it's only Tuesday. I'm going to lunch with a girlfriend and Mom is coming to get the kid. I couldn't be more relieved. After lunch I think I'll get a latte and treat myself to a peti/mani.

I'm already looking forward to the massage chairs and pretty red toes.